Be grateful and learn to forgive

Twenty-Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time Year A

When we have been wronged, our first instinct is usually to get angry. Our second instinct then is to hold onto our anger, because we somehow feel justified in doing so. It is as if because we can’t make the person actually pay for his offence, we do so mentally and emotionally, by punishing him over and over again in our minds. Forgiveness comes later, if at all. In contrast, the Psalmist tells us that “the Lord is compassion and love, slow to anger, and rich in mercy” (Psalm 102). Could this be the meaning of the adage, “to err is human, to forgive divine”?

The readings today remind us of the heavy price we pay for resentment, holding unto unforgiveness, and the incalculable reward we receive when we choose to forgive. The message of the sage ben Sirach in the first reading is simple and hard to miss but makes tough reading. His observance of our human behaviour is quite penetrating. “Resentment and anger, these are foul things, and both are found with the sinner.” Resentment is a sin. It is poisonous. It is like a cancer in a person’s soul.  Anyone who has felt it knows the experience St. Augustine described as “curvatus in se”—being “curved inward on oneself.” Clinging to anger and resentment may feed our egos and give us a sense of moral superiority, but ultimately it undermines love by leaving us disconnected from the source of all love.

The sage, therefore, counselled that those who wish to receive forgiveness from God must be aware that this forgiveness is conditioned upon our readiness to be forgiving toward others. He then proposes two meditations to help those who struggle with forgiveness - contemplating the Last Things, which is ‘death, judgment, heaven and hell’, and secondly, the commandments. How would this help? As much as we desire an accounting from those who have hurt us, it is crucial to remember that we must also give an accounting to God. The measure by which we use to treat others, will ultimately be used against us. So show mercy if you want mercy. “Forgive your neighbour the hurt he does you, and when you pray, your sins will be forgiven.” But if you want God to hold your sins against you, then, by all means, hold others’ sins against them. Remember, he who pulls the trigger, may end up shooting himself.

St Paul reminds the Romans in the second reading that the Church is not just a loose association of individuals whose lives have little effect on others. Rather, “the life and death of each of us has its influence on others” because we have been purchased by God with the blood of Christ. Church and community life cannot exist when its members continue to hold on to a culture of resentment, refusing to forgive when wronged, and resisting all attempts at reconciliation. Forgiveness is not just something that is necessary for each Christian individual for his or her survival but also essential for the life of the Church.

There is no denying that forgiveness may be the most difficult thing to do in life. We may be comforted to know that even St Peter struggled with it. The question he asked presumes there must be some limit to it, especially when it involves a repeat offender. But the answer given by the Lord stresses that no limit should be placed on the number of times we should forgive. The Greek word for “forgive” means literally to let go. Forgiveness is not “forgive and forget”; we can’t erase a terrible wrong from our memory, but we can let go of the resentment that continues to poison our lives. And so, our Lord uses a parable to illustrate His point.

The parable takes the meaning of forgiveness to another level. Here it is not the number of times which is highlighted but the gravity of the offence which is stressed. The ten thousand talents owed by the wicked servant to the king is contrasted with the one hundred denarii owed to him by his colleague. The meaning of this contrast is often lost on modern readers as we are not familiar with the rate of conversion of these ancient currencies. But when we convert these two amounts to our current currency, we realise the enormous disparity. Ten thousand talents would be equivalent to the staggering national debt of a modern state, whereas one hundred denarii would be three months wages. The wicked servant could never repay what he owed the king in a thousand lifetimes, which highlights the magnanimous generosity and mercy shown by the King to him. But instead of emulating this example of generosity, the wicked servant demands reparation from his fellow servant who owes him a considerably smaller amount. The story does not only reveal the calculative and uncompromising attitude of this wicked servant but his abysmal lack of charity and gratitude.

One of the points of the parable is to drive home precisely what forgiveness is and is not. Forgiveness has nothing to do with erasing the blame. Rather it assumes a frank and realistic knowledge of wrongs committed. Everyone should be accountable for their sins. Furthermore, if we cannot recognise the wrong done to us, how can we begin to forgive? Mercy can only be shown to the undeserving. If someone deserves mercy, it wouldn’t be mercy. It would only be true mercy if the person deserves punishment.

The parable also reminds us that the key to forgiveness is gratitude. God wants to teach us gratitude so we can be forgiving and be forgiven! So, if you wish to be a forgiving person, cultivate gratitude in your life. Resentful people are often ungrateful people. This was the wicked servant’s greatest failure. He was ungrateful because he had forgotten how much he had been forgiven and therefore, was unable to show mercy to his companion. That is why forgiveness does not entail forgetting. In fact, to forgive, one must choose to remember. Remembering can be painful. Forgiveness can be difficult, if not impossible. But if we learn to be grateful by remembering how we have been shown unlimited mercy by God, we should also respond to others who have wronged us, with limitless forgiveness.