Obedience, the antidote to pride

Solemnity of the Holy Family

The readings for this feast provide us with a three-pronged meditation on the common theme of family. The first reading takes a hard honest look at our own respective human families. While the second reminds us that we are children of God and therefore, part of God’s great big family. Lastly, the gospel focuses on the one family which stands out today - the Holy Family of Nazareth, the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Although, these are three different contexts to consider the theme of family, they are all united by something in common - the relationship of each member to God. The love of God is the glue that keeps families together and the family is the glue that holds the fabric of society together.

There is no doubt until times recent, that families matter to society and to individuals. But we Christians also believe that families matter to God. At the beginning of the Bible, God states, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2.18). God, therefore, instituted the first marriage and founded the first family. Throughout the Bible, God seeks to strengthen families. Husbands are encouraged to love their wives, children to obey parents, and parents to train up their children in the right paths. The fourth commandment demands that we honour our parents. The Bible also contains many real-life examples of both happy and divided families. Before placing the Lord Saviour into the loving arms of His human mother and foster father, the Bible traces Abraham’s family line to Him. It was not enough for Jesus to be born into this specific family but to see His connexion with the whole human family.

The first reading taken from Ecclesiasticus (or Sirach) is an expansion of the fourth commandment to honour one’s parents but the passage also serves to link this obligation to the first three commandments which are due to God. Importantly, the Fourth Commandment is the only one with a promise attached: “…that you may have a long life in the land which the Lord, your God, is giving you” (Exod 20:12). Sirach reminds us of this promise and expands it to include atonement for sin. So, honouring one’s parents is not just an act of filial piety but also an expression of religious piety, one’s filial obedience to God. They are inseparable. By showing such respect to parents, especially to old and infirm parents, the sins of children are pardoned. Failure to honour father and mother is blasphemy and merits a curse from God.

The passage helps us to see that filial piety is not blind and slavish compliance, but due deference and respect, a love that shows itself in obedience. Sirach encourages us to embrace the way of obedience, the way of humility, so that we may obtain wisdom not by seeking our own path of self-realisation, but by humbly submitting ourselves to our fathers and mothers. Obedience is foundational for a moral life, a wise life, a life lived in praise of God. That is why obedience is one of the three evangelical counsels which are prerequisites to the life of one who wishes to grow in holiness. While poverty is the antidote to greed and chastity is the antidote to lust, obedience is the perfect antidote to the poison of pride. Sirach encourages us to embrace the way of obedience, so that we may obtain wisdom not by seeking our own path of self-realisation, but by humbly submitting ourselves to our parents.

The second reading reminds us that though each of us have a set of earthly parents and an earthly home, we should never forget that we are members of a much bigger family, the family of God. St John in the second reading thus highlights the amazing love God has for us. Not only is He willing to call us His children, we actually are His children. To become “children of God” is not simply a metaphor for the creator-creature relationship. This is a literal statement. Through Baptism, we have received the Holy Spirit, which works an essential or ontological change—a change of our nature—conferring on us a likeness to God which makes us His children. True childhood is to share in nature of the Father. It is not that spiritual childhood through the Holy Spirit is similar to real childhood which is biological. Rather, biological childhood is similar to real childhood which consists in partaking of the Father’s nature through His Spirit. This is a unique truth of the Catholic faith—other religions do not teach that we are the children of God, or else they mean it only in a metaphorical way. And as children of God, we must learn to love one another and keep God’s commandments.

Finally, we come to the gospel story which is popularly known by the title given to it by the Joyful Mystery of the Rosary - the finding of the Lord in the Temple. One of the obvious themes in this gospel is the true origin of Jesus, or in other words, the true Fatherhood of Jesus. Though Joseph is (rightly) called Jesus’ “father” by Our Blessed Mother (“your father and I have been looking for you”), nonetheless our Lord responds with this revealing question: “Did you not know that I must be busy with my Father’s affairs?” He is reminding His earthly parents and us of His divine origin, and that Joseph was in the end only His adopted father.

At first, we are tempted to say that for most of us, this is the difference between Jesus and ourselves. We have natural biological fathers, but Jesus had God as His Father. But again on further reflexion, we have to admit that there is not so much difference—or better said, there is a closer analogy between our origin and Jesus’. Like Jesus, those of us who have been baptised have been “born of God,” born in a supernatural way from a Heavenly Father. This is the point of the second reading. All fatherhood has its origin in God (Eph 3:15). As we contemplate the Holy Family this Sunday, we need to ponder the fact that, like Jesus, we have a supernatural origin from God the Father through the power of the Holy Spirit. Having God as our Father makes it possible for us to break out of patterns of sin that we may have learned, consciously or unconsciously, from our human fathers—good men though they may have been—and live in “the glorious freedom of the children of God” (Rom 8:21).

As Luke’s story unfolds, St Joseph fades from the picture. Mary lives in the reflective way we are all called to live, “storing all these things in her heart”. Sometimes God’s call to children is in tension with parents’ wishes or hopes. Children are first of all “children of God”. Much as we might want to, we cannot hold on to them. We try to understand their choices, we do everything we can to nurture their uniqueness, and we pray that they too will grow in wisdom and stature and in favour with God as responsible members of the whole human family, but ultimately, we have to accept that they are God’s children first and foremost.

Likewise, as children, we must watch our hearts and remember that the natural respect that sons and daughters should have for their fathers and mothers is something the Lord set up to orient us toward Himself. If we honour our parents, our hearts will be in a great place to honour God. If we honour our parents, then we too can obtain by grace the “long life in the land which the Lord our God is giving us.” That land, of course, is heaven, the inheritance prepared by our Father in heaven.

You complete me

Twenty Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time Year B

For those who had lived through the 90s, Jerry Maguire must have been one of the most iconic romantic movies of all times. I know that most Gen Z’s would be scratching their heads, “Jerry Who?” It starred Tom Cruise, most famous for his looks than his acting skills, next to an almost unknown actress. The most famous tagline of the movie became one of the most popular “pick-up” lines used to express one’s undying love and desperate need for the other - “You complete me!” It sounds so awesomely romantic to literally be unable to live without someone because a part of you is missing. I mean, you can’t get more Romeo-and-Juliet than that, right? Like, let me drink poison if we can’t be together so I won’t ever have to live without you and I would literally rather die than live without you because You… Complete…Me.

The tagline may not have been that original as it draws inspiration from the Jewish mystical tradition, that each person possesses half a soul and it is only when they have found the other half of their soul in a person whom they will spend their entire lives with, will the two halves be reunited and made whole, thus the man and the woman “complete” each other. That’s a beautiful way of describing the complementarity of husband and wife but it is far from our Christian understanding of marriage and the person. A man does not complete a woman nor a woman a man in marriage. If this were so, then they can also choose to end this union as quickly and simply as they had sealed it. Rather, it is as our Lord reminds us, “what God has united, man must not divide.” We are, in fact, full persons, created in the image of God in need of no one but Jesus Christ. It is He who completes us!

Jerry Maguire might be right about one thing—Yes, we are incomplete people. But it’s not because we’re unmarried or that we have yet to find the other half of our soul. It’s because God has “put eternity in the heart of man” (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and that “His invisible attributes…have been clearly perceived ever since the creation of the world” (Romans 1:19-20). Without Him, we are incomplete, lacking something, missing a critical part of our soul. Notice that when God is absent in our lives, we will always try to fill that bottomless hole and make up for that inexhaustible absence with other things - things which can provide temporary relief but continue to remind us of what is perennially missing and which can only be satiated by God and God alone. And until He is the one to fill that hole, you’ll be incomplete. If there is one line which can utterly beat the Jerry Maguire line it should be this famous quote from St Augustine: “(O God) you have made us and drawn us to yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

One of the ways our Lord completes someone is by giving him a “helpmate.” In response to Adam’s lonely plight, God created for him an “ezer” translated as “helpmate.” The English translation is inadequate and, in our day, we may use the word “helper” in the sense of a maid, a domestic helper. But that is far from the meaning of the Hebrew word used to describe the first woman in the first reading. This is not the only occasion where the Hebrew word appears. In fact, it appears 21 times in total in the Old Testament. In two cases it refers to the first woman, Eve. Three times it refers to powerful nations Israel called on for help when besieged. In the sixteen remaining cases the word refers to God as our help. He is the one who comes alongside us in our helplessness.

This last reference of the noun “ezer” provides us with the context of how to understand the other instances when the word is used. It does not suggest 'helper' as in 'servant,' but help, saviour, rescuer, protector as in 'God is our help.' In no other occurrence in the Old Testament does this refer to an inferior, but always to a superior or an equal...'help' expresses that the woman is a help/strength who rescues or saves man. The woman was not created to serve the man, but to serve WITH the man. Without the woman, the man was only half the story. She was not an afterthought or an optional adjunct to an independent, self-sufficient man. God said in Genesis 2:18 that without her, the man's condition was "not good." God's intention in creating the woman for the man was for the two to be partners in stewarding God's creation.

Therefore, all of you are to be a helpmate to each other for so much more than mere intimate friendship and companionship. The old penny Catechism reminds us that we are created solely for God and for heaven – to know God, to love Him, to serve Him and be with Him in Paradise forever. If this is life’s main purpose, and it is truly a tall order, then we seriously are in need of help. The good news is that God gives us that help, but He also provides help, for most people, through a spouse, a friend, a community member, or a priest. God has created each of us not as lone travellers but ‘indispensable companions’ in our journey to heaven. The purpose of that helpmate must be to help us achieve the main purpose of our lives NOT to accomplish our own selfish, self-centred and myopic agendas. We are to help each other worship, obey, love God and be with Him in Paradise forever. We are to help each other get to heaven. In the case of a marriage, if this doesn’t become a couple’s life project, they may actually end up dragging each other to hell.

Finding a lifelong friend or being married, doesn’t mean that you’ve exorcised loneliness into the furthest regions of the universe. The spectre of loneliness trails many good couples and plagues even the best of marriages and friendships. And loneliness may often tempt us to find false substitutes in adulterous relationships, pornography, addictions and workaholism. Where does such loneliness come from? Well, we return to the story in Genesis. In the beginning, it was a literal paradise of fulfilling relationships as God in an unhindered way walked with Adam and Eve in the garden and they enjoyed the fullest experience of intimacy with each other. But how did the demon of loneliness infect their hearts? Well, the simple answer is sin – disobedience to God’s will and purpose. Sin is refusing to allow God to “complete” us. Notice how Adam and Eve hid from God out of fear of getting caught, and Adam blamed Eve for his disobedience, which clearly drove a wedge into their flawless intimacy. And the deep fellowship on every satisfying level is now replaced by alienation, blame, distrust, and shame.

The lesson here is huge. Living a God-less life ultimately leads us to a love-less life. Living for what’s “best for me,” while ignoring the needs, wishes, and interests of others always brings alienation and aloneness. Thank God that He has made a way for us to restore relationships and to recapture a portion of the intimacy of Eden. When we follow the way of Jesus and live to love and serve others, aloneness gives way to intimacy and our self-serving acts of alienation dissolve into a profound bonding that reflects the complete and perfect harmony of the Three Persons of the Most Holy Trinity. Between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit there exists no conflict of will, no battle for dominance, no petty struggle to be identified or appreciated independently of the other. There exists only the perfect communion of love, and a blessed oneness of purpose and intent and action. Without Him, we will continue to be restless and listless, for only God can complete us, you and me.

A Sweet Yoke of Harmony

Solemnity of the Holy Family

One of the most iconic Catholic traditions of Christmas is the Christmas crèche, or the nativity scene. This year marks the 800th anniversary of the first crèche which was erected in the year 1223 by none other than St Francis of Assisi. St Francis’ pioneering crèche featured real animals and a real family, not resin or plastic figurines. The crèche was St Francis’ attempt at bringing Bethlehem to our doorsteps as it was no longer safe for pilgrims to make a journey to the Holy Land to visit the holy shrines. You may agree that this year seems to feel like déjà vu, especially for those who had planned to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land this year or the next, only to find their plans cancelled or changed due to the outbreak of war in Israel. So, rest assured. Even if you cannot experience the Holy Land physically, you have a chance to experience it liturgically during the season of Christmas… or in your homes.

The Christmas crèche is not like any other Christmas decoration. In fact, it’s not meant to be a decoration. It is a prayer corner. Here, we are invited to prayerfully contemplate the various figurines contained within the scene, the members of the Holy Family at its very heart and centre. And so, we see the humble figures of Mary and Joseph kneeling before the manger gazing lovingly upon their newborn son, the Son of Mary, the Son of God. One could say that this must be one of the most ancient family portraits. The whole scene reaffirms two wonderful truths. The first reminds us of God’s immense trust for this couple, that He would deign it fitting to entrust His only Son to two human beings, a woman and a man, wife and husband. The second is that if a family was the cause of humanity’s downfall, another family would be at the heart of humanity’s redemption.

Joseph and Mary’s family life were far from ordinary or even ideal, by modern standards. The beginnings of their married and family life were already marked by disastrous omens – a suggestion of conception out of wedlock, the threat of divorce, dislocation and homelessness, economic poverty and to top it all - a hostile environment that posed the greatest threat to both the safety and welfare of the couple and their newborn child. In today’s world, all these would be interpreted as unfavourable factors that would warrant either delaying the marriage, postponing the start of a family, calling it quits or even justify the abortion of the foetus within the womb. In fact, it would take much less these days to justify any of the above actions. But something amazing took place. Instead of turning their backs on each other and on the child, Mary’s fiat and Joseph’s acceptance of the Incarnation – indeed the man and woman’s loving obedience to God’s will, triumphed at the end. Their love for God, which outweighed self-interests and societal pressures, served as the wellspring for their own steadfast love and provided a rich sanctuary for the Christ Child.

Mary and Joseph were both significant and necessary influences in the life of Jesus – a child needs both his father and his mother. Mary and Joseph remained side-by-side, nurturing and protecting the Son of God as He “grew in wisdom.” Yet Scripture hints that they are asked to play distinctive roles. Mary watches and listens to all the wondrous events that accompany the birth of her Son. After the visit of the shepherds and Magi, we see the natural contemplative in the person of Mary who “treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.” Joseph, for his part, receives messages from angels, who direct him to take action to protect his family. His readiness and courage to respond immediately without hesitation proved his manliness and reaffirmed his paternal qualities. Joseph was never the absent father. His humility shines forth through his willingness to be obedient to God’s will. In Joseph, we understand that truly “being a Man”, is not doing it “my way,” but always obedient to ‘God’s ways.’

Thus, these figures assembled in the Nativity scene, call us back not only to the mystery of the Incarnation, to the joyous event of Christmas, but to the very origins of creation itself. We come to recognise that the crown of God’s creation after He set in place all fixtures and wonders of the universe is not just man alone, but a man, both male and female, made in the image of God, and entrusted with the first commandment to come together in marriage and to form a family. What does it mean, though, that man as male and female has been created in the image and likeness of God? This simple verse in the Bible affirms that both male and female, while fully equal as the image of God, are nonetheless distinct in the manner of their possession of the image of God. This is what we call the complementarity of man and woman. Therefore, family itself becomes a sign that points to the very wellspring of love, the Holy Trinity – One God in Three Persons. The family is an icon of the Most Holy Trinity.

The necessity of celebrating such a feast where the family is the focus is more apparent today when we consider how counter cultural marriage and family life have become. Contemporary culture is challenging the most vital aspects of the existence of the human being, in ways that go so far as to overturn our understanding of human nature, and particularly of human sexual identity and relations between the sexes. Contemporary culture is proposing and imposing models for sexual identity and relations between the sexes that would ultimately mean redefining marriage and the family, to the extent of destroying both. Contemporary culture cannot accept that man is made in the image and likeness of God. Contemporary culture has no place for God and His kind. Man must be his own god, or nothing else matters. For this reason, contemporary society has no place for the traditional family because the family and the mutual obligations of its members remind our society of God and His demands of us.

Today, with the Holy Family as our model, we must reaffirm once again that the complementarity of man and woman is at the root of marriage, not prideful autonomy, not self-serving motives seeking to satisfy one’s personal happiness. Thus, when we arbitrarily decide to take either the man, husband and father, or woman, wife, and mother out of the equation of marriage and family, it would have destructive consequences. For the Incarnation to take place, for the Word to take flesh, the Son of God must have a human father and human mother. In the human family of Joseph and Mary, we see again how God brings the Divine into the human realm.

The Blessed Virgin Mary and St Joseph, the woman and man who wait before the manger in our homes and in our churches, affirm the beauty of this daily path of married love — this school of virtue — and they testify against “the culture of the temporary,” which Pope Francis said, has wreaked the most havoc in poor communities. Therefore, the feast we celebrate today is so important to reaffirm once again the beautiful original plan of God at creation, a plan that is not subject to the fleeting changes of fad and fashion, precisely because God had “forged the covenant of marriage as a sweet yoke of harmony and an unbreakable bond of peace” (Preface for Marriage). In the nuptial blessings contained in the Wedding liturgy, we are comforted by the promise that the blessings endowed by God on marriage and family life is “not forfeited by original sin nor washed away by the flood.” May the Nativity figures of the Blessed Virgin Mary, St Joseph and the Christ Child in our little prayer corner inspire us to foster and embrace the distinctive gifts we share in our marriages and families and spur us to help others, especially families in crisis, see their own salvation in the steadfast love of the Holy Family.

A Model of Holiness

Solemnity of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Whenever this feast comes around every year, I know a lot of people begin squirming in their seats. Any initial thoughts of the Holy Family hardly bring consolation. The discomfort arises from the perceived disparity between the perfection epitomised by the Holy Family and our own socially dysfunctional family units. It’s like living next door to the picture-perfect family. Close proximity is enough to make you feel ashamed of your own. In the face of such heavenly perfection, the condition of our families feels like human refuse. To even attempt to match up to their standards seems impossible. Fortunately, popular culture is less demanding.

Notice how Reality TV, movies and serials often showcase the weird and the dysfunctional. These shows have become so popular because they help us to laugh at the tragedy of dysfunctional behavioural patterns within our own homes and thus, depersonalise the experience. After watching some of the ridiculously outlandish lifestyles, we console ourselves by saying: “we’re not that bad after all.” But dysfunctional relationships are not just the subject of ridicule but have become normative. We live in a world where we try to come to terms with and even celebrate our limitations, our brokenness, our sinfulness, the painful realities that define both our individual and social lives. It is a world where the ‘good’, ‘the perfect,’ ‘the holy’, ‘the functional’, ‘the beautiful’ are just part of an unattainable Utopian dream.

In contrast to the dysfunctional heroes of popular culture, the Church provides us with Mary and Joseph. But the idea of Mary and Joseph as models of parenthood, however, frightens many of us. We are inclined to just dismiss the possibility that our families can be like the Holy Family. They are spiritual giants compared to us. They make us uncomfortable with our mediocrity. Their sanctity seems to highlight our deficiencies. It is no wonder that many try to demythologise the story of the Holy Family, with the hope that by exposing their flaws, we can pull them down to our miserable level. And so liberal exegetes will try to make Joseph appear like a cuckold selfish old man who is only concerned with his good reputation; Mary, a victim of societal pressure, perhaps even a rape victim who hides behind the lie of a heavenly visitation and miraculous conception. In spite of our cynical disparagement of the two, we secretly ask ourselves: How could we ever come close to the sanctity and special position of Mary, the Mother of God, or to Joseph, the most self-less family guy?

So, what does Mary and Joseph offer us as a ‘realistic’ starting point for our family lives? The answer is simple – they offer us holiness - that holiness is attainable and within reach; Mary and Joseph teach us that family life begins with God. The Holy Family was not a perfect family, in the sense a family insulated from crisis or conflict or tragedy. The Gospels describe events that shattered their tranquility: The Flight into Egypt when they became refugees fleeing a murderous despot, the anguish of searching for a missing child in today’s passage, the death of Joseph leaving Mary a widow and Jesus an orphan, and finally the cruel and shameful death of Jesus. Apart from these crises, Jesus, Mary and Joseph would also have lived with the constant taunting and innuendos suggesting that Jesus was born out of wedlock. The Holy Family, therefore, would have experienced disappointments and tension just like any other family. But what sets them apart from other families, is their faith in God. They understood that a family is never truly a family unless God is at its centre. That is why we celebrate the Feast of the Holy Family, and not the Feast of the Perfect Family.

When we hear the story of the finding of Jesus in the Temple, there is much we can sympathise with Mary as a mother. We understand her anxiety and pain. Her Child has run off, and she doesn’t know where He is, for three days! Can you imagine the worst case scenarios going through their heads? Mary is freaking out. She wants to know why Jesus has put her through this: “My child, why have you done this to us? See how worried your father and I have been, looking for you.” But the answer Jesus gives puts things in their proper perspective. This is not just a revelation of Jesus’ identity and His mission. It is also a reminder to all families on what really matters. God is the beginning and the end of all things. Parents often forget this as they constantly fret and worry about their children’s welfare – will they be able to acquire a good education which guarantees them a successful job; will they find a good wife; will they be secure and happy for the rest of their lives? Jesus’ words to His mother set out the main priority and concern for every person. Jesus’ answer raises the eyes of our souls to see beyond the horizon of human existence. It invites us to see God and make Him our goal, our destination, and our fulfillment.

Today, many families are trying to address the dysfunctional patterns and dynamics that plague them: the verbal, physical and emotional abuse that members mete out to each other; the narcissistic personality disorders that result in self-centred behaviour; promiscuity, incest and adultery; the inability to set boundaries or respect them. They look for solutions in the form of family therapy, self-help books, or compensatory behaviour like pornography, adultery or substance abuse. And when all fails, divorce seems to be the only option. What many often fail to recognise is that dysfunctional behaviour is just another euphemism for sinfulness. If sin is the cause of jealousy, envy, strive, enmity, selfishness, unforgiveness in the family; then holiness must be its antidote. Holiness, life in union with Christ and with God, is the source of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness, everything we need, to make our families work.

So, do we need role models? We most certainly do! But not the kind who flaunts their pride and selfishness, the ones who make us feel comfortable with our limitations and shortfalls. We need role models that do not bring out the worst in us, but always the best. We need the kind who can inspire us to move beyond ourselves, to strive for higher things; the kind that will reveal to us all that is good, all that is true and all that is beautiful. Pope Emeritus Benedict in his first encyclical reminds us: “We must learn to believe first of all in the family, in authentic love, the kind that comes from God and unites us to him, the kind that therefore “makes us a ‘we’ which transcends our divisions and makes us one, until in the end God is ‘all in all’” (1 Cor 15:28)” (Deus Caritas Est, 18). Yes, we need a role model to show us that if our families are to grow and thrive, God must be “all in all.”

Love is Sacrificial and Life-giving

Solemnity of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph

If Bill Gates had heard God’s promise to Abraham in the first reading, that Abraham would be blessed by God with descendants as numerous as the “stars in heaven,” he would be appalled and would have decried that God is plotting a global catastrophe. Many like Bill Gates are promoters of this massive lie - a population explosion equals global overcrowding and would eventually lead to widespread famine, hunger and immeasurable human misery. In other words, a child is not a blessing or a gift from God. In fact, a child is seen as a liability, a curse, an additional burden to a world already laden with all sorts of heartaches, suffering and scarcity of resources.

But today’s readings remind us that children are indeed a gift to all families as the Christ-child was a gift to the Holy Family. Today we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. The celebration reminds us of the importance of family through the lens of faith. Mary and Joseph bring the infant Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem to present their firstborn son to the Lord. The very act of presenting Jesus is a thanksgiving to the Father for the gift of their son. They recognise that Jesus is a gift, as is every child, spouse and parent. The ritual expresses their gratitude.

And then we have two elderly individuals, who not only appreciated the value of life, but had lived lives fully immersed in God. They had both dedicated the remainder of their years to worshipping God in the Temple. Simeon and Anna likewise give thanks to God when they encounter this child. They recognise in the child Jesus the dawn of salvation.

 

In his canticle of praise, Simeon says: “Now, Master, you can let your servant go in peace, just as you promised; because my eyes have seen the salvation which you have prepared for all the nations to see, a light to enlighten the pagans and the glory of your people Israel.” Simeon sees something in this child. This blind old man sees with the eyes of faith and recognises that this child is the hope and salvation of the world.

At the conclusion of this gospel passage, we are told that the Holy Family returns to their own town of Nazareth where “the child grew to maturity, and he was filled with wisdom; and God’s favour was with him.” It is in these so-called “hidden years” that the life of the family is central to our Lord and His mission. He is being prepared for His public ministry and for the ultimate act of love – His passion, death and resurrection. This is alluded to what Simeon says to Mary, “You see this child: he is destined for the fall and for the rising of many in Israel, destined to be a sign that is rejected – and a sword will pierce your own soul too – so that the secret thoughts of many may be laid bare.” As our Lord grows as a person, He learns how to love in sacrificial ways as did Mary and Joseph. We can see in the life of the Holy Family, how an example of sacrificial love shown by parents can determine the future of their children. The key to family life is not just love, but sacrificial love.

Most of us think we know a lot about love. But the truth of the matter is that we live in a world short on love.  Today, love is too often understood as romantic sentimentality rather than unbreakable commitment. But sentimentality is unsatisfying.  Material things, and comfort, and pleasure bring only fleeting happiness.  

 Love—real love—is about sacrifice, and redemption, and hope.  Real love is at the heart of a rich, full life.  Real love is at the heart of the Holy Family. Just like the Holy Family, we were made for this real and sacrificial love. And all that we do—in our lives, our careers, and our families especially—should be rooted in our capacity for real, difficult, unfailing love.

But today, our culture rejects love when it rejects suffering and pain, when it rejects the sacrifice of the Cross. We want all the benefits and privileges that come with marriage, but we are not prepared to pay the necessary costs, we are not ready to make the necessary sacrifices to live that life to the fullest. This is the reason why contraception and abortion are so rampant. 

If love entails sacrifice, then children will always be regarded as a blessing, the fruit of that love. But this is not what the world tells us. Our culture often teaches us that children are more a burden than a gift—that families impede our freedom and diminish our finances.  We live in a world where large families are the objects of spectacle and derision, instead of the ordinary consequence of a loving marriage entrusted to God’s providence.  But children should not be feared as a threat or a burden, but rather seen as a sign of hope for the future. 

St John Paul II wrote that our culture suffers from a “hedonistic mentality unwilling to accept responsibility in matters of sexuality, and… a self-centred concept of freedom, which regards procreation as an obstacle to personal fulfilment.”  Generous, life-giving spousal love is the antidote to hedonism and immaturity: parents gladly give up frivolous pursuits and selfishness for the intensely more meaningful work of loving and educating their children. Although it may seem to selfish immature parents that children actually bring to an end the romantic phase of their marriage, children actually challenge the couple’s love to grow and flourish. Children challenge a couple to embrace others beyond the two. 

A family thus shows us that man is called to a fullness of life which far exceeds the dimensions of his earthly existence, because it consists in sharing the very life of God.  The sexual intimacy of marriage, the most intimate kind of human friendship, is a pathway to sharing in God’s own life.  It is a pathway to the fullness of our own human life; it is a means of participating in the incredible love of God.  When God gave man and woman the ability to have sexual intercourse, He tied it with the ability to procreate. This is the reason why the Church teaches against the use of contraception. Contraception is a selfish act and never the product of love. Contraception not only breaks the ties between the sexual act and procreation but also impedes our share in God’s creative love.  Cut off from God, man can never experience true lasting joy.

Joy seems to be in short supply these days, with multiple things to worry about. The rise in the cost of living, the uncertainty of our economic and political future, the anxiety that comes with having to navigate unchartered territory especially in these times of a pandemic may seem daunting to any family, what more newly married couples. And I guess, most parents would say, “I’m not sure if I want to bring another child into a world like this.” Let’s be honest, I’m not sure whether we are truly altruistic when thinking about the future welfare of our children or we are just selfishly not willing to make the necessary sacrifices for them.

But on this Feast of the Holy Family, the Church challenges us with this question: Do we let fear, anxiety, selfishness, or worry determine the size of our families? Do we entrust ourselves to the Lord, whose generosity provides for all of our needs? Can we see our children as gifts from God? If we have any doubts about this, let us turn to the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. May our families be always guided by their example of sacrificial love.

The real test of worthiness

Thirteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time Year A

Is it justifiable to defend unity at any costs? For many, keeping the peace and maintaining unity should be the main priority of any group, community or family. And if this is so, then we must be prepared to sacrifice our personal preferences, values, and even the truth, to preserve the group’s cohesiveness.

Today, our Lord challenges this belief. Group cohesion and communal unity are important but they cannot be our ultimate goals. As Christians, our ultimate goal is to grow deeper in our relationship with Christ and all other relationships, no matter how good or praiseworthy, must ultimately be subject to, and take its cue from this relationship with Christ.

Our Lord explains that His gospel will inevitably force us to choose and this choice will be the cause of division. The proclamation of the kingdom will cause division not because the message is divisive or hateful but because of the ways people will receive it. Responses will vary from full and open reception, to hostile rejection, and this will lead to discord - even hostility - within families, communities and among friends.  So, the “worthiness” of His disciples will be tested. The “worthy” disciple does not love father, mother, son or daughter more than Christ. That does not mean that we Christians should not love our parents or family members. We should. But what our Lord is insisting here is that loyalty to Him even before one’s family, is the hallmark of true discipleship. The relationship offered to us in Christ is something which goes further and deeper than even the very closest human relationship.

The gospel of Jesus is not only about an ethical way of life founded on love and mercy, but it is above all about the person of Jesus Himself. We are “Christians” not only because of our words and deeds, but because our entire lives have been reshaped and transformed into “another Christ.” As St Paul in today’s second reading tells us, “when we were baptised in Christ Jesus we were baptised in His death; in other words, when we were baptised we went into the tomb with Him and joined Him in death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the Father’s glory, we too might live a new life.” Because we are “joined” to Him in baptism, our Lord claims a special place in our lives, more important than our dearest ones and biological kin. Being a disciple is not a marginal aspect of my life, it is central.

If our relationship to Christ is what defines us, then our fate too is ultimately intertwined with His. That is why the next test of our “worthiness” is to be found in our willingness to take up the cross. “Anyone who does not take his cross and follow in my footsteps is not worthy of me. Anyone who finds his life will lose it; anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it.”

The idea of taking up a cross in today’s context has been sanitised and trivialised. It is often used as a metaphor to describe bearing with life’s daily burdens and inconveniences, like a long wait in traffic, being subjected to the blistering heat, putting up with a difficult boss or spouse, enduring aches and pains. This is so far from the reality of the cross which our Lord had to endure. No, when Jesus says that the true disciple must “take up his cross,” He is not merely calling for acceptance of life’s little inconveniences and hardships. He is calling His disciples to give up everything, even their lives if necessary, to follow Him.

The cross is a radical call to die to oneself. Taking up one’s cross or denying oneself is not something optional to Christianity. In fact, it is the defining action of Christianity. Denying self is not to be confused with denying something to oneself, whether material things, food, pleasure, or whatever. Wicked people often deny themselves many things in order to achieve their selfish goals or conquer their enemies. What Jesus meant by self-denial is far more radical than denying something to oneself. He meant that one must say no to oneself. All man’s sin and self-destruction centers in self-love, self-trust, and self-assertion. The cross means the opposite, it means “no” to self and “yes” to God.

But self-denial is not without value. Our Lord promises His faithful disciples, “If anyone gives so much as a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is a disciple, then I tell you solemnly, he will most certainly not lose his reward.” In this following of Christ, this union with God, we will ultimately share in the reward which Christ has won for us. It is true that now we must endure the trial of discipleship by having a share in His cross but later we will have a share in His glory, as St Paul assures us, “What we suffer in this life can never be compared to the glory, as yet unrevealed, which is waiting for us.” (Rom 8:18)

Tried, tested and proven in Crisis

Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph

It’s tough coming to church on a Sunday when you have a family. Waking up the kids when they want to sleep in, getting them dressed and fed, making sure you don’t lose your cool in the process. Or you’ve just gotten into an argument the night before with your spouse and you can’t picture yourself sitting in the same car with the person and lasting the entire ride to church without speaking a word. It’s tough enough having a family in modern times; Church doesn’t seem to make it easier. We want peace in our homes; we want to be holy families. But how can we get there if we can’t even get into our cars to drive to church without fighting over something or another? To compound matters, what the Church offers to us as a model seems impossible to imitate. Have we not forgotten that the members of the Holy Family are a tough act to follow: we have Saint Joseph, the saint; the Blessed Virgin Mary who is immaculately conceived; and of course, Jesus, who is the Son of God, God incarnate. Are we crazy to think that we can emulate them? Yet, Pope Saint John Paul II thinks we can: “The Holy Family is the beginning of countless other holy families.”

So how is the Holy Family the beginning of other holy families? What can we learn from this family? We are still in the Christmas mood and it’s easy to get wrapped up in the peace that permeates the Nativity of our Lord, but it’s important for us to remember that very soon after the birth of our Saviour in the manger in Bethlehem, the Holy Family’s life turned topsy-turvy again. The peace and stillness of the stable is brought to an abrupt end with the news that Herod is in search of Jesus, and plans to kill him. Joseph takes Mary and Jesus by night on a journey to safety in Egypt. Already homeless in Bethlehem, they now become refugees.

Perhaps one of the most striking messages of the story of Christmas then, is that family life doesn’t always run smoothly, faithfully following some perfect blueprint, even for this most special of families. Family life is tough. Family life is messy. And the Holy Family’s life was no exception. Right from the very beginning, there is struggle, hardship, and the need for extraordinary courage and endurance in the face of these difficulties. Many of us complain of impossible and painful challenges in our own families but how many of us can truly claim that we have faced the same kind of difficulties the Holy Family had experienced?

If we are to think of the Holy Family as any kind of model for family life, I would like to suggest that it is not to be found in the familiar picture-perfect portrait of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph standing in front of the manger but rather in stories that speak of crises. It is only during a crisis that the mettle of parenthood is tried, tested and proven. The Blessed Virgin Mary and Saint Joseph are model parents because of their fidelity to their vocation as parents to the new born child as well as to each other, a fidelity that was not compromised even during crises. They would have possessed the human virtues of courage, perseverance and patience. But more importantly, they were persons of faith who willingly and obediently cooperated with God’s grace. That is why we call them the “Holy Family” and not just the “perfect family.” When we turn to the Gospel we find a holy family, not a very normal one. The mother is a virgin and the father is not the biological father of the child. And they are not living in some ideal family setting but rather being hounded by a megalomaniac king. But this is the family God had chosen, the one whose care He had chosen to entrust His Son to.

Holiness is not about “keeping up appearances,” about giving the impression that all is well on the outside but hides the truth of rot festering on the inside. We all know too well that families can go horribly wrong and be anything but holy. It isn’t about feeling happy and having rosy memories. It is about love — the kind of love that is willing to suffer or die for the beloved. Saint Paul tells us that a family becomes holy in the same way as the community at Colossi becomes holy: through the working of the Holy Spirit. He emphasised the reciprocity of love: “bear with one another; forgive each other… Over all these clothes, to keep them together and complete them, put on love.” Love alone is the cord that holds the family together through all crises. And this takes place not merely on the human level, but also on a spiritual level as Saint Paul tells us, “never say or do anything except in the name of the Lord Jesus.” It is as though they have been clothed after baptism with the transforming virtues like compassion, humility, patience, gentleness and then everything is held together in unity by a belt which is Christ's love. Husband, wife, father, mother, children are all now ‘in Christ’ and that determines all the different relationships that make up their family life.

One wonders whether Saint Paul could have pointed to some perfect family in his congregation. Probably he would not have found one. No family is perfect, and no parents will be able to be as perfectly selfless as Mary and Joseph and no child would be as divinely innocent and obedient as Our Lord Jesus Christ. But every family is capable of love. Every family is capable of growing in faith. And for this, every family can emulate the life of the Holy Family.

Take Saint Joseph for example. Mary is often the focus of the Christmas story. But the lectionary has chosen for this year, Saint Joseph, as the model of parenthood. The example he gives is so contrary to the prevalent model of fatherhood in our modern society. Many families today suffer from the absent father. One can say that the crisis we see in families is largely due to the crisis of fatherhood, which is a crisis of manhood. But Saint Joseph gives us an example of manly courage, manly endurance and manly strength in the selfless service of others. He was the husband and father in the Holy Family, provider of food for the table, protector of the mother and child, mentor and teacher of his divine foster-son from childhood into manhood. Multiple times he received messages from God, and he obeyed. Rather than shirking his responsibility and pushing it to Mary, Saint Joseph assumed his vocation with great faith and courage. Pope Francis tells us, “faith sustained him amid the troubles of life.” The road to holiness requires constant discernment, listening for God’s voice, and a willingness to obey.

One could say the Holy Family was like a seminary. The word seminary means “seedbed.” In this regard, the family is the original seminary, where the seed of faith is first planted, nurtured, and eventually germinates. Little by little, couples can encourage each other in their journey to sainthood, families have the power to nurture faith in their children and lead them towards Christ. A holy family life, based on the foundation of fidelity, love and faith, can be a powerful means of evangelising and sanctifying our culture.

We can learn in the example of the Holy Family that, despite all our failures and difficulties, we too are called to become holy through living out God's word in the midst of our families. The Holy Family is holy because it is responsive to the demanding word of God spoken in the very trying circumstances of their daily lives. In an ordinary family, the members of the family may get frustrated with each other. They may occasionally argue. But ultimately, the members are called to love each other, support each other and forgive each other. They may not do it perfectly, but they will try to be holy. When they fail, Christ and the Church offers them the grace through the Sacraments to do better. What about your family? Despite your failures and imperfections, there is hope that your family can be like the Holy Family. Regardless of your family’s situation, there is hope for you. You are called to holiness. Holiness will look very different from one family to another. But the most powerful thing you can do is to daily entrust the health, healing, and holiness of your family to God.